the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
