Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
