I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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