marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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