so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
