i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
