If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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