So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just want nice things and good sex
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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