So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Small penises have feelings too.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
