Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
