Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
