I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
