I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
false alarm. still invincible.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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