i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
