I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
