You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
