There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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