We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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