The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
