You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
tell me about the eggs
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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