apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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