At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
