Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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