Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize