dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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