thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
