Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
