She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
