Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
