Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You've changed since you got that strap on
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
