she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize