i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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