I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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