last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
