It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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