i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
