party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize