dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
