I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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