Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
