he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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