Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
