i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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