No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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