Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
