the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
