Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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