my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize