..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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