cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
