are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
