I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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