I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
