I just saw a hot homeless man
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
