hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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