did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
