worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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