Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
