I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
