So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
