Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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