I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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