Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize