Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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