Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
