Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize