Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
