PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
