her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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