i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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