Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
