if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Floor bacon is actually really good
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
