We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
