I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
