pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
