I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
