Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
