why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
