Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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