Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
