Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
