Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
