is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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