Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize