only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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