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look no pants
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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