grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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