we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
