My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
