R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i think i just lost a toe
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
