Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
