I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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